How can I be there for me?

Monika Bravo

4 min readAug 8, 2022

apathy

Gio Ponti, Ceramic, Parco dei Principi in Sorrento, Italy

Back to basics,

Mercury in Virgo: the intention is clear, simple, and very discerning, it conjuncts my natal Uranus: cut the BS

When boundaries have been dissolved:

Discernment,

Attention to detail.

Probably the most honest and coherent text in a while,

While confronting disillusionment and reaching a state of apathy,

I also know it’s transient quality, yet it seems like I am bathing in self-pity and lots of distress: what is the point? I hear my inner self go, on and on.

The test was negative, and the body ached, but that was ok, what was haunting was a sense of doom that suddenly arrived in my heart.

They say it is depression. oh boy, I hate it even more!

That is key, to know how much guilt I felt for not being OPTimist. Who am I kidding?

Currently, we all might be missing out on experiencing our true selves because of spending so much time listening to others and trying to make some sense of something that needs to be felt before even it needs to be given meaning -

For me, it is down to one word

-Breathe -

Can I follow my inner authority?

Can I finally have the guts to do so even though the sound of silence echoes and deafens everything else?

No applause.

No welcoming committee because I am doing the right thing.

The echo is the sound of my breath

I knew it would be rough yet within the pain some satisfaction

I never accept it as done

Killing the other to survive in the 1.

The End of an 18.6-year cycle. The last time the same cycle was in February 2004. Saturn square Mars: harsh realities

I am aware of closing a cycle of 18.6 years the last time the South Node of the moon in Scorpio crossed my mid-heaven and entered the 9th house. the direction of my life, how I identify in social structures is over, at least how I used to.

At that time I took a sabbatical to try to figure out how to cultivate my mind. I went deep into meditation and Taoist practices and took my relationship to seek something that connected to spirit really seriously.

Now I feel I have no clue where the direction goes — one part of myself the curious playful one is kind of saying -woohoo! the other, Doomsday Monika is just rolling her eyes and saying,

-Now what Monika, how many times do you have to die so you can be born again? Pluto in my 8th house, full moon in Scorpio on my 9th house. Does it always have to be these intense? is there a middle way?

mmm. Almost not.

I will follow nothing.

It is not about following anyone,

What about just being?

Apathy without feeling.

Can it become sympathy with feeling?

-Have you noticed what part is dying?

What are you mourning?

Because you know it is over.

Period.

It is.

And yesterday a glimpse of light…

Saturn 1st quarter square Mars: harsh realities, they last met in Aquarius on April 7, 2022. Now it is excellent for structure and productivity, what did I start during the conjunction in my 1st house? awareness and commitment towards learning all about the blockchain and the way I relate to my own sense of value. Chronos- time, Mars initiates, now at 90 degrees a crisis in action, striving to determine the actual shape and form of this initial desire, (that I knew would take time, and it involved technology).

The energy of yang quality asks -which form should it take? how are the foundations been implementing? Mars will reach the trine aspect that is very supportive in Gemini at the end of September integrating whatever new evolutionary impulse even showing some leadership before it goes retrograde and starts some loopy effects.

The full moon on the 11th joins Saturn…

Radical acceptance, somber realities, is the bubble almost going to burst?

I have not felt this apathetic and somber in a long time, a miracle is almost needed. Perhaps Venus in Leo will bring some joy, just some.

This week no video. no energy. no hope, no optimism.

-Do you like what you read?

-Do you resonate with some of it? You know, you can use parts of it, but quote me like I quote others.

-Some ways you could encourage my writing:

-Use the like button even if you are shy.

-Do leave me a comment, and let me know how it feels.

-Share it with a friend!

-Subscribe to the newsletter. I love knowing you might read this.

-Keep coming back for more…