Pruning the Earth, Aries season.
Grounding the spirit of freedom as a sacred offering to the Temple of the soul.
03.19.2022 AM: I’ve been pondering the difference between something that is a sacrifice and something that is sacred, and how we kind of believe that sacrifice is something that we have to give so we can get a reward, get something back. As if there’s something that we have to cut off, take away from ourselves, as an offering so we can get something back. That’s what we’re used to, that’s what I remember being told. I always had trouble with that kind of understanding, so I looked at the polarity of the meaning, and I go back to what is sacred — and sacredness is actually an offering, an offering that I can make to myself or to something or to somebody. I’m going to offer this, not thinking I’m going to get something in return, but I’m offering it because I am fully present in this moment, and this is what the moment needs, it needs that offering, it needs to have me present. So I’m not sacrificing, I’m making this moment sacred.
Also a note about the difference between the temples that we build throughout history so we can find inside of them the idea of G+d, the Source. We forget that the biggest temple that we have is the vessel of our bodies– and Everything I need is in my body. That’s the temple I should really attend to. Every day, all the time. This sense of presence is something that we are always looking for, somehow, outside of ourselves. And before, I would always get a sense of a void, or something missing, some sort of feedback that was not happening with that seeking presence outside of myself; it could be explained as a lack of absence because it feels presented as the absence of being connected to Self. Presence and absence — I give myself space to be present with what is. I allow and surrender to what is. When I’m invested in the presence of being with others, and only paying attention to that, I give myself the absence of being with me.
Another thing is time as pacing ourselves. How can we find some pace to encounter that idea of self? How does that resonate in this space? This morning my intention was very simple. I tend to make very simple intentions, but they’re very profound at the same time. I wrote something like, “I’m the light that shines the part of the warrior.” When I talk about ‘warrior’, it’s the warrior as I envision it as something or someone that protects a dominion, and the dominion will be my own self, not as in territory, but rather as the temple of my body, the temple that is going to allow this space I can be devoted to, or the temple that is going to be the space where I create some presence and is going to give me the place where I start reconnecting to myself, to my state of presence. Therefore I will be resonating with whatever is resonating at the moment in time, in my life, and with that, I can make a complete offering of being me at this moment and that is what is sacred. That is what is sacred in me — to be present with myself, to listen to my needs, and to be resonating with what is happening right now.
03.19.2022 PM: I’m going to make a confession– I have very much intended to leave behind a part of myself that is no longer needed, and it has been a process of approximately two years, since the beginning of the pandemic. It has been, I would say, a process of taking away a suit, or a helmet, something that was constraining me, and slowly starting to get naked, starting to feel the skin be out there in the elements, starting to connect to different parts of myself that I had never allowed myself to be connected to. Now I feel that this process is coming not exactly an end, but it’s becoming a different thing.
It’s been about a year, more or less, where I have very intentionally stopped reaching for people. It used to be very often that I would pick up the phone and reach out, send texts: “How are you?”; “How’s it going?”/ “You want to talk?” I was always initiating. But it was not that I wanted to stop talking to people, I just needed my space, and something incredible happened. The beginning was a little bit painful, I have to admit, it’s like there was no feedback. I basically stopped reaching out and I realized that nobody was reaching back at me, and I was like, “Ok, maybe it’s the pandemic, maybe people are like very much into themselves,” and then I started really questioning– What was the nature of my relationships? What were they based on? I found it was things that I was always extending to others, and the relationships that I was establishing were extremely codependent, at least from my side. I noticed, with time, that if I wanted to meet new people, I was going to have to re-establish a different kind of dynamic where I would be present, but I would not be using the same role that I had been using since I was little.
It was interesting because I was getting to know and meet new people, even though it was internet people, and some I would call friends, but they were different kinds of relationships, and especially a different kind of relationship with myself. So that was amazing because now that we’re starting a new season (Aries), it’s like starting something new, it just feels very exciting for me. I feel bubbly, I feel like a bottle of champagne ready to be opened and to celebrate! I feel like this energy that is coming from inside of me, and it wants to burst out with joy and just be, and I’m so grateful to myself for having given myself the space and the time to get to know me and to understand that anything or everything I need is inside of me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want to relate to people, of course, I do, but in a very different way. So different.
And there were times when I was like, “Ok, I’m just going to unfollow people and cancel people,” and then I was like, “No, that’s not the scope!” The scope is to be able to just practice a state of being myself, being by myself because I also realize that probably the people that I used to be around, surrounded by, were people with whom I had created a persona that fitted very well for that relationship, but I was no longer being that persona, so it felt fake to be reacting in the same way. I didn’t even know how to react or to behave, as I would have then, as this person that I am right now. There’s a little bit of sadness in the closure that it relates to the time that I lived in New York- 27 years- and all the stuff that I learned when I was there, the resilience, the curiosity, the opportunities that I had, all those things that I was able to create… I created my own language in terms of my artwork, I created my own language in relation to how I relate to my spirit and my practices, and even how I speak to myself, it was part of that process, and now that I’m no longer there, and I’m living in another place…where I live right now, it has given me so much expansion, and I am still in a process of transmutation, it’s not that I need to arrive to a place, it’s still in slow development. But I can feel it, I can sense it already, like, mmmm… it feels good, it feels good what’s coming. And I’m not anticipating anything, really, but I can look back, that’s the way I know, when I look back and I see, “Oh, I’m no longer doing this, Oh! I’m no longer relating to myself in this way!” So I can compare and feel, “Wow!”
I have lived, I don’t know, a thousand lives? And I’m very appreciative of the ones I lived before because it was a process, I’ve always been very interested in the process of evolution, I’ve always been step-by-step being in the state of becoming. And I’ve really been more or less conscious about it, since around 2004–5, when I really devoted myself completely to these practices of knowing myself and cultivating my mind and cultivating an array of practices that, to this day, have been deepening my sense of self, and have given me the possibility of really appreciating the state of being that I find myself in. I’m extremely appreciative and very bubbly, so ready and excited, about new relationships, and how I can state my sovereignty in ways that are not threatening to anybody else, and I don’t have to impose myself, where I can just say what I need to say in the moment regardless of the behavior of the other person. I have learned the language to speak and be, and I’m so grateful for that and so excited. I feel like I want to go out to the park and run, or, you know, just play– there’s so much to be played.
I know right now the world seems to be an awful place, but let me tell you something, it’s always been this way, only that right now we can see more, and we’re scared. But guess what? If we ground, if I ground myself (I can only speak for myself) and I keep the intention of being absolutely concerned with my ability to be, and tend to that, on a day to day, I’m good. I’m actually very good. I can be of service joyfully as my authentic self and truly show up in this world, share my gifts from a solid foundation.
Some notable Astrological transits :
Mars, Venus, and Saturn in Aquarius initiate the urge to break free from conditioning and establish a new relationship to what grounds the spirit of freedom.
Sun and Chiron in Aries are offering the potential to dare to be our own unique selves– once that is supported, then old commitments and relationships based on codependencies and unmet needs snap away. Mars and Venus square Uranus and are in balsamic relation to Saturn
(South Node in Scorpio squares Saturn and trines Neptune) –the commitment is toward a reconnection to Source, dreams that come from your unconscious, not from the TV set.
No fear, just pruning the earth, allowing the new seeds some space.
I intertwine between the spoken and written word, hear my insights below:
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